Angel Baby

I have been debating writing this post but I want people to remember our Angel Baby that is in heaven.
Saturday, May 9th, is my due date of the baby that we lost and it is bringing up many emotions for me. Having a miscarriage is the hardest thing I have ever faced. I think that people think since I have Luke, that somehow he is a replacement of our Angel. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful beyond belief and so incredibly blessed beyond words to have him, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss the baby I lost.
For some reason, God wanted her back. (We didn't know the gender but Rob and I both felt she was a girl.) I don't understand why, but I have to trust that He wanted to take care of her instead of me. It hurts so bad to know that I will never hold her, kiss her, snuggle her, talk to her or tell her I love her here on earth. She touched our lives so much even though she was in it for such a short time. The only physical thing I have left of her is my pregnancy test.
It brings me happiness when I think of Grandpa Brenner rocking her in heaven and singing his rendition of "Stars and Stripes" ... "Dah dah dahdahdah dahdahdah," and to imagine what it was like when Grandpa Boehm got to see her. If he loves her half as much as he loves Luke she is one lucky little great granddaughter!
I will never understand or know why God takes these little miracles from us after He gives them to us, but our Angel Baby will never be forgetten and will always be loved. She was ours and always will be. May 9th will forever be a difficult day for me.


It will be such a bittersweet weekend dealing with that and also being incredibly sad that I will not be with my Mom on Mother's Day for the first time ever. However, I am so so so so so excited for my first Mother's Day!!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!! I'm the Mommy!!!!